#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week
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abrthephantomq · 2 days ago
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Someone liked this post again today and it reminded me that like
Uendo is definitely a decent DID media portrayal - at least, to us, as someone who has the disorder.
They're definitely done with intention and research done on the disorder - the reason why that case works is they play off that 'the person with DID did it's trope and subvert things.
But what about unintentional representation? Severance IMMEDIATELY comes to mind. Innies verses Outies. The work self only remembers the time at work. The Outside self only remembers the Outside stuff.
Just.
Ugh.
The scene where they show outie!Mark switching to innie!Mark? It's so fucking subtle. It's THERE, visually, but you have to be looking for it. A different way of brushing their hair aside. Them carrying themselves differently, etc.
Helly is a good example of this, too - she acts like someone who came from Privilege. She knows that shit is fucked up and sees something fucking horrifying in it. The exploitation. And then her outie is a straight up bitch to her, too? Straight up saying she isn't a person??
Yeahhhhh. Severance feels so System-coded to me, like, as a concept. especially like, when you consider Mark's reason for applying for the job in the first place. His wife died. He wanted to have 8 hours a day where he could forget the pain of it.
It's just such a good, subtle way to show how a system of 2 would probably work. And as a comment on how not dealing with your issues isn't really an option. They'll find you one way or another.
We're somewhere in the 15-20 range in terms of numbers but some of us are like ....umbrella names. Like there are Steven's and Stellas and Alexes and if you decide to peel the layers back a bit you can find out their secondary name (Alex vs Xander; Steven vs Stephen vs Stephen B vs An vs D1, Stella vs Jazz vs D1 (really D2, but they also like D's name a lot so they don't care))
Something like that.
Idk we're high and just ate a whole bunch of sugar bc our 5 year old demanded it and who are we to say no, we're about to be tormented via having to go to the stupid airport on Saturday.
(ughhhhhhhh I hate the airport so much it's so loud and there's too many people and ewwww)
Soooo....
Turnabout Storyteller.
I had already vaguely known about Uendo having DID due to me not necessarily avoiding spoilers when reading fanfic, but...
I have so many thoughts on this as someone who HAS the disorder they're representing here.
Like, one, I definitely appreciated the way they revealed it -- during a Mood Matrix session. Having multiple sets of feelings and having them switch on and off like that is def a thing. I've/we've experienced that before.
But also -- before that, when Uendo was switching between his "characters" and everyone thought he was just putting on a performance? Yeah, see. They did that really well considering that like -- yes, the way alters hold the body/the face can be really different. They certainly felt like different people, which was really cool to see. I liked the different poses they had because as I played I was like, "Huh... is he the character with DID...? He is, right?"
The thing is, I'm like 80% certain that Uendo is the murderer, and THAT annoys me -- but I'm not done playing through the case, yet. I just started the second half of the trial, so.... I'll comment as I go.
But if I'm right and Uendo IS the murderer, I'm gonna have to roll my eyes because soooo many pieces of media use my disorder to show HEY SOMEONE WITH THIS COULD BE A KILLER AND NOT KNOWWWWW and I hate that. Because like.... no.
OH THANK GOD. Like 3 seconds into the send half of the trial and it's NOT Uendo. Yay. Yayyyyy. I'm actually really glad they did that subversion of the person-with-DID-is-the-killer trope. Thank fucking GOD.
SIMON GRABBING ATHENA when she starts to doubt she can prove Bucky's innocence is just -- fuck. Okay. Yeah, I see why the fandom loves that particular moment. (I love Simon so much omfg).
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I am honestly loving this case and I actually really like the way they've presented Uendo -- it's simplified a bit for the sake of the audience, but at the same time, switching DO be like that. And you can certainly be co-conscious and share memory.
Like.... that's legitimately how our System works -- there's usually 2-3 of us up front at any given time, with someone generally more forward, while the other(s) listens / watches. Sometimes others push to the front. And there are 4 of us who more or less have access to the continual life happenings even if we don't always recollect specific details (or what we were feeling) later.
Also Owen being a LITTLE makes so much damn sense? Fuck, idk man, I love it. I kinda adore them.
I really really really got weary when Uendo's diagnosis was revealed because, y'know, the whole oh God pls tell me you're not the murderer even if it was kinda looking like you were.
That fucking balloon girl did it, didn't she? Jesus fucking Christ. I love that, but I also hate that. Also it's so unfair they made this chick so goddamned pretty.
Also man can I also say just how like.... they legitimately refer to Owen as a child, and Kisegawa with Ms., and -- that's actually a nice little piece of the writing here. Like... is it absolutely perfect? No. It's not. But let me tell you -- as someone with this disorder? Writing it and showing it for an audience is hard.
That whole, "everyone is unique" thing applies here -- every System is different. They all develop ways of functioning in order to blend in and protect themselves. Uendo may not have the denial bit that comes with this disorder (do you know how many times I find myself asking if I'm sure I'm not faking this thing? do you??? because like, it's a "rare" disorder, right? and was my trauma REALLY bad enough for me to have alters???? etc) -- but considering the confident way he, Patches, and Kisegawa speak about their experience with the disorder, I would imagine they've been in therapy for it for a while, now.
But also -- the three of them not being aware of Owen? Or denying his existence, at least? Well, they were either protecting him because he's so young, or they legitimately did not know since apparently he may only come forward when the body is drunk.
idk I love that Uendo et al was not the killer. Like so much. Thank FUCK.
Also that was a really fun case even if it was like, not entirely relevant to the overall story happening here in SOJ. I definitely enjoyed it.
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kangals · 4 months ago
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thinking a lot about that one post that’s like “the most unrealistic part of House MD/medical dramas is doctors that actually give a shit about finding diagnosis for mystery ailments.”
it’s so disheartening to be able to say “hey dr I have this chronic problem that most recently caused me acute and intense pain, what should I do” and being told “idk your tests are all normal so you just have to live with it.”
cool thanks. I’ll just continue having spontaneous, debilitating joint effusion that requires me to drop everything and go to an emergency specialist. but, you know, my Lyme test came back negative, so there’s nothing else that can possibly be done.
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sysig · 1 year ago
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He’s my little meow meow, my darling, my bbygirl (Patreon)
#Doodles#Commander Peepers#I'm soooooo normal about him you guys <3 So normal! <3 <3#*Looking back over the other Little Guys I've collected* Hmmmmmmm Evil Xisuma and Spamton and Sableye and Rick Diggins#I think there might be a theme here#Just casually making Venn Diagrams in my head - Evil X has the red/black - Spamton is trans - Sableye has Gremlin energy - Rick is too tired#And those are just the ones I can think of lol - if you look I did the same stretchy pose with EX when I was still drawing him lol#The Stretch Pose is how you can tell if I like a character lol - they stretchin'? I am infatuated <3#I mean I'm normal I'm totally normal lol#Also had to give him a bbygrl pose - I for the life of me cannot find it again but the reference is very strong in my mind's eye!#Not that I couldn't go for another one at some point lol â™Ș#Ugh the middle one lol - so that Word of God I mentioned in passing about female Watchdogs#I read it in passing as just a basic research of ''Oh here's what The Original Creator has to say alright neat''#Except that it Immediately made me itchy and I was like ''What. What brain this is not that big of a deal what are you doing''#And I was like ''No I'm being silly about this - just because I don't agree doesn't mean it's a big deal lol''#Except then I had stress dreams and woke up Weird the next day and the last time that happened I left a fandom#And the time before that I wrote 4 consecutive pages of 20-something panels in like 18 hours of consciousness - I have normal reactions lol#But I opted instead to vent to smol about it and she agreed with me so basically I'm just saying I'm correct lol /s#Personally Peepers doesn't strike me as misogynistic - he's very much an Equal Opportunity villain in my eyes!#And yeah I considered a lot of different angles around it but like - based on the text of WOY I just don't buy it#If it's not in the show it doesn't count! For all we know there might not even be any female Watchdogs! Lol#Would also lead to the equally-to-Spamton interesting question of How Does Trans Work in that kind of situation#I've definitely not already put a lot of thought into it don't look at me lol#Don't ask me to write an essay about both of those things I'll do it and where will that leave us lol#ANYway lol â™Ș He's still the absolute funnest to draw in distress and discomfort <3 And kneeling! He makes me want to practice :D#I always feel like I can try again and do better! >:3c
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zymstarz · 6 months ago
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
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#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying đŸ«¶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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mydarlingclaudia · 2 months ago
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I don't think I'm getting any sleep tonight
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon â˜ș#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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caruliaa · 2 years ago
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no offence but why are all the solutions to issues caused by trauma therapy. what if i Cant do that right but still want to not be like this.
#like why is this website like 'analyze what u think the cause of this issue is if u think its a childhood trauma get therapy for ur trauma#if not then do xyz thing thats much easier than having access to therapy'#like is there an xyz for when the root is trauma. please plese please. at least tell me im allowed to talk to ppl abt it#idk if its smart for me to do that or not#im actually getting kind of like. rly upset suddenly like idk#like i feel like the step one i keep being presented in healing and getting better with issues caused by trauma is.#not being in the situation that caused the trauma. but it feels so impossible for me to ever get out#and im just trying to do what i can to like. heal or deal with it as much as i can but ik thats not much when im still in tht situation#and feel so trapped in it#like just. ugh such a selfish thing to say abt an issue tht affects so many others sm worse than me#but like. couldnt late stage capitalism and the recession its brings with it not have happened like. 20 yrs from now#so i didnt have to deal with the fact that getting out of my traumatic situation is impossible alongside the traumatic situation#just idk. it all sucks sm and i just wanna get out of it. can we please find a way to make tumblr accts private so#i can fianlly start a facking yt without weirdos deciding the interactions w freinds and vent posts i use this acct for#are their entertainment bc ithink having a 'job' saying my silly little thoguhts abt media online is my only hope love and light#flappy rambles
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ame-to-ame · 3 months ago
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Rereading ayaka is in love with Hiroko senpai!!! Last time I read it I don't think it was finished/I didn't finish it but ack. Now I also want to be in love 😭😭😭
#i want to say i want to be someone like ayaka but in reality im probably more like hiroko#i used to be someone like ayaka. i was really tunnel visioned and i didn't consider much aside from the person i was interested in#but it's been years now and there's a lot more to consider and it's. hard and im even more scared now.#i think there's someone who im currently talking with who's trying to figure out if im into women or not and if im available or not#but it's that sort of thing where there's just. a lot in my shoulders and a lot to consider. i want a relationship eventually but.#there's just so much to consider right now. in the past i thought that as long as i could make my partner happy a rx is just btwn 2 of us#but when i did actually get into a serious long term relationship i realized that most people. do expect getting to have in laws.#people for the most part want to be loved proudly and not have to hide it. and i do too. but at the same time. i just. there's so much on me#i almost came out to my dad the other day while trying to console him. but maybe that news would just be the last straw for him. idk.#i just can't really afford to have my life be shaken up much more right now when i just rebuilt some stability.#especially when my parents are having a midlife crisis and both of them are leaning on me. my health worsening also stressed them out too.#i really thought I'd be braver and have less to worry about the older i got and the more independent i became but. ig not.#in my teens i told myself once i reached adulthood I'd be free to be myself and pursue happiness. in my 20s i tell myself after med school.#maybe once I'm finally out of med school and etc I'll have the opportunity to live my life. or maybe by then there will be another reason.#it's a real concern. i mean. sure I've never wanted kids I've always been ace and I've always liked women but. the societal pressure.#to other queer people the gaydar goes off easily but to the cishet audience i've mostly. been able to go unnoticed.#and when you're younger not having a bf or ppl you're interested in and being focused on your studies is a thing your parents are proud of#but as i get older. it's just been harder. i don't know how much longer i have before i have to conform or have the cat out of the bag.#i don't even get it sometimes. i really don't. the expectation of family and marriage is wanting happiness for your child right? but somehow#idk. idk. i really don't know. sometimes maintaining an image. might be more important than your child's feelings.#and i really can't be certain that between ego and saving face compared to me that. I'll come out on top. i really don't know.#idk. idk. i know there are ppl interested in dating me. but idk. i really need some time to process things through.#sometimes i ask myself how i would feel abt it and i really can't figure out how i feel at all.#it's ok to date someone u don't love ig. i mean. I've done it before. you can make yourself like someone after a while. but idk if i.#idk i just. i think im just really scared. and I'll need at least another month or so before anything is back on the table.#it's honestly just me running away from having to deal with sorting out thoughts and feelings 👍👍👍 which i eventually will have to face ig#but if i do fall in love ik i have it in me to sort those things out quickly i think. if im not too scared to let myself fall.#ig i just have to get more used to ppl being interested in me again ack 😭 it's easy to ignore it when dating someone but. now.#and it was fine in the summer bc i wasn't really around too many ppl my age. but. ugh. unfortunately. i do have. a face and a personality.#delete later
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lycorid · 3 months ago
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I can’t watch true crime shit because it makes my blood boil and I just can’t shut up during it.
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daeluin · 1 year ago
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chanting we are gonna get through this. we always get through. we survived the '90s. we lived through 2001. and 2009. ni el gato nos pudo. siempre costĂł y salimos peor pero salimos. tenemos un pueblo muy rico y resiliente vamos a salir
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inupibaldspot · 7 months ago
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Back off, kid.
Pairing: gojo satoru x reader
Note ₊˚âŠč♡ : this is a part 2 but you don’t really ly need much context haha.
·:*šàŒș Part 1 àŒ»Âš*:·
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“You know you guys don’t really look alike.” You say as you bring your hands up and rearrange the tuft of hair to your liking, you hum when the other wise spiky persistent hair bends obediently.
While in-front of you there was a younger dark haired boy, face completely pink but doesn’t dare let any part of his body move from your touch. “We aren’t related so we shouldn’t look alike.” Fushiguro tries to act as normal as ever.
“You know he has been introducing himself as your dad in your PTAs.” you pull away with a smile. “Satoru says they get so shocked and think he is a teen-dad.” You laugh as you trail back to the memory, Gojo’s snarky comment on ‘If I’m Megumi’s dad then you’re his mom; Which makes you my wife~’ remains unsaid.
When you pull away, Fushiguro finally feels his body release tension and finally he lets out a sigh. He hopes Tsumiki comes back finishing her club meeting soon.
“Why are you sighing like a old man, Megumi?” You get up from cushion floor as you then proceed to sit on the nearby sofa and cross you legs, giving him a teasing smile.
Fushiguro looks away from you with a huff. “Just a small headache.” and maybe even a chest pain. Both caused by you.
You hum as you then let out a ‘ah—!’ as you then proceeded to smile and pat on you nap. “Come here.” You smile proudly.
Poor Fushiguro Megumi’s face burst into steam from the heat radiating off his face. “Like hell I can!”
“Megumi
” you said in a soft tone which make the younger boy flatter. “I’m not teasing, I’ll just give you a massage.”
The boy huffs and sits infront of his feet as he felt your gentle soft hands guide his head to you lap. His frown dissipates as he then lets out a sigh of relief upon the movement of your hands near his temple.
You let out a giggle to how Fushiguro was acting like an old man, maybe this is what happens to people who deal with Gojo on a daily basis. “How’s school? from next year you’re going to be a middle school student,megumi.”
It’s been a while since you visited, already finished with highschool and now acting as an active jujutsu sorcerer has kept you busy but still then you would always visit once a week, make them a good meal while also bringing in some groceries. You didn’t have to but you’ve always done it, your soul was so unwavering it warmed Fushiguro to his very core.
“I’ve been using the notes you’ve prepared for me so school is pretty smooth for now
” Fushiguro finally replied as he still doesn’t move his head from your lap, his eyes closed and arms crossed infront of him, cheeks with a rosey color.
“Thank god.” You beam, Fushiguro watches from the crack of his eyes. “It was actually my notes from back in the days. I always kept them with me.”
Fushiguro closes his eyes, the more he watches you the more he feels his heart constrict as if it ran a marathon. “y/n, I want to say
 thank you—ugh!” The poor boy’s was pushed off your lap with a sudden but controlled push. “What the hell?”
“I’m so tiredddddd, y/n.” The voice almost purrs as there is a tuft of white hair on the plush of your thighs. You blink at Gojo who seemed to be looking at you from behind his bandages with a wide smiles plastered on his face. “Gimme a massage too~”
Fushiguro knows this scene too well.
Perhaps he wasn’t as subtle as he thought but any time he was too close to you, Gojo who is in his early 20s and almost a decade older than him always manages to throw him away. And now he watches you frowning and reprimanded Gojo for acting like that.
He sighs. “I’m leaving.”
You and Gojo quickly turn to his direction. You had a confused look to your face then it contours to something of worry. Was he mad at Gojo? Fushiguro could almost hear your thoughts.
Where as Gojo who currently has his head on his lap and one of his hand playing with your finger, give him a confused look before it turns into a full blown egotistical. ‘I won!’ smirk.
“Got homework.” Fushiguro turns and leaves.
“Satoru, you’re always acting like that to Megumi.” You say as you tear your hands away from his and then give his head a light ‘chop’.
“Then he shouldn’t touch what’s mine.” He huffs , as he closed his eyes and forms a sassy pout.
“What’s mine?” You question. “Did Megumi take something of yours?“
“No
Right now, it’s still with me.” Gojo opens his eyes, which makes your breath hitch. his eyes ever so beautiful as the evening glow assist its glimmer. “You know what I mean right?”
Your breath hitches and suddenly the room is much hotter,your heart races as it blooms in warmth.
Gojo’s face softens as he looks at your flustered face. “What I mean is
 I’m in lo—UGH!”
“Sorry”
Suddenly a new enters the room, the same dark haired boy who left moments earlier. “My pencil slipped from my hand.”
“Megumi, you brat!” Gojo stands up, with currently a pencil stabbed on his forehead. Megumi threw it because he knew Gojo wouldn’t even think of letting his infinity be active when he was near you after all.
Gojo watches as Fushiguro gives him his usual deadpanned look before it turns into a full blown egotistical. ‘Hah! As if I’ll let you confess on my watch’ smile.
Taglist ˙✧˖° đŸ«§ â‹†ïœĄâ€” @lysaray @thirtykiwis @sillysillygoofygoose @hotvinimon @olivianyx @anan-baban @shirabaee @genticcs
Reblogs, like and comment are appreciated! Love this work? out other here
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freakingholland · 2 months ago
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“The way to a gal’s heart is through her stomach.” - Jason Todd x fem!reader
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A/N: Beep boop another Jason imagine, enjoy cuties <3
Warnings: not proofread, slightly suggestive content, swear words
Summary: Jason Todd is not only a superhero, he’s also a master of tomato soups. (fluff, domestic theme, slightly suggestive content)
Word count: 850 +
If you enjoyed my work: Ko-fi.com/freakingholland
questions/requests/ideas here! - rules here
masterlist (needs a proper update)
my wattpad archive is here
my AO3 archive is here
-
“NOOO, no no no I GOT THIS, SIT DOWN MA’AM” Jay said, waving his hands dramatically as if he was trying to shoo you away from the kitchen.
“Don’t raise your voice at me fucker!” you said snorting with laughter.
“Yes, ma’am BUT SIT DOWN PLEASE-- I GOT THIS LOVE!” Jay tilted his head and waited for your reaction giving you an innocent look.
“PLEASE! I GOT THIS!”
“Okay! Okay I will
” you said with your hands up, slowly turning away from your boyfriend. You were standing in the kitchen. You just got back home from work and were about to start making dinner for the both of you. However, Jason had other plans and was making sure that you wouldn’t lift your finger.
“Soooo, what do we have on the menu chef Todd?” Jason smirked as he saw you folding your arms over your chest and leaning against the counter. He reached for an apron that was hanging near the stove.
His triceps rounded as he moved his hands behind his back to tie it on himself. They were pretty tightly squeezed by a short sleeve of his t-shirt. You were wondering whether he was purposefully flexing just to make you feel a certain way.
“I was thinking of a baked tomato soup. But-- I shall gladly fulfill my significant other’s
” he prolonged.
“-dining desires
as­-- it’s my personal wish to suffice her stomach.” His words made you shake your head with a growing smile. God. This guy’s eloquence is truly admirable. So is his charm. And his warmth despite the hardships that life had thrown at him.
“Sounds good.”
“You sure?”
“Yep.”
“Sweet. Tomato soup it is.”
“How was work?” he continued.
“Could have been better honestly.  Collins had a problem again and decided to throw a fit at the end of the shift. Called in a meeting last minute just to scream his ass of for 20 minutes-- AS IF we could change anything.”
“Monica was late to pick up her son from preschool because of the asshole.” You continued your rant.
“Yeah, Collins has a knack for ruining everyone’s day,” Jay said, shaking his head as he rinsed his hands.
“It’s like the guy feeds off stress.”
“Exactly! And the worst part is, it’s not just me. Everyone’s been feeling it. EVEN Monica, who’s usually so calm, was on the verge of tears today. It’s just not fair.”
“Did she call you?” He asked.
“She texted me when I was entering our building.”
He shook his head no sympathizing with your work story.
“Ugh, I hate that for her. And for you,” Jay said, turning to face you. “You don’t deserve to deal with that crap every day.”
“Thanks,” you replied with a tired smile. “It’s just frustrating. I mean, we’re all trying our best, but Collins seems to think yelling at us is some sort of solution.”
“Man, I don’t know what to say
 asshole’s pissing me off.” He licked his lips.
“And how is Jared doing?” Jay continued wanting to change the topic.
“He’s alright as far as I know.” You bit your lower lip.
“You know what? I actually thought about inviting them for dinner some time.” You said shyly.
Jay, still focused on the cutting board, looked up, noticing the slight hesitation in your tone.
“Why are you shying away like that?” he asked, with curiosity and concern in his voice as he turned to face you, pausing his chopping.
“Well, I wanna know-- if you’d have the energy and will to have guests over on your night off
?”
Jay walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He stepped away from the counters to kiss the top of your head as you were mentally supporting him in his cooking, watching from the tall bar stool.
“We can totally think about it, don’t worry about my energy.”
“I—Well I-- just didn’t want to overwhelm you--, you know? I know how hard you’ve been working lately, and I didn’t want to add more to your plate.”
Jay smiled, his eyes full of that familiar warmth that always made you feel at ease.
“I get it, and I really appreciate you looking out for me like that.”
“But honestly-- having them over might be just what we need. A break from the usual, a chance to relax, catch up with some good friends, and just enjoy each other’s company. It could be a lot of fun.” He continued.
„Plus, it would be a great opportunity to show off my cooking skills.” He said with a cheeky smile plastered across his face.
“Yeeeaah right
”
“Yeah right what?” Jay looked over his shoulder, pretending to be offended.
“’Kay hear me out-- how about we make a deal? If I can whip up the best tomato soup you’ve ever had, you have to admit I’m the better cook.”
“And if it’s-- just, okay?” you teased, biting your lower lip playfully. Jay leaned in closer, his voice deepened.
“Then maybe I’ll have to find another way to prove I’m the best at
 handling things.”
“I like your confidence, Todd.”
“And I—like you Y/L/N.”
-
Stay whelmed xx
Tori
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stonedstr8 · 3 months ago
Text
TOKE 'N STROKE
"Ads are getting so damn invasive." Lucas thought to himself, clicking skip on yet another pointless car commercial interrupting the video essay he was watching. "You think the algorithm would know its audience by now, I'm too gay to drive!"
He laughed a little bit at the joke, running a hand through his soft, bleached blonde hair. He was the epitome of a high-maintenance twink, with his smooth, hairless body and perfect sense of style. He was smart too and liked to boast about it, with a scholarship for his English Lit degree and being made President of his university's LGBT Chapter, which he was hoping to use as a stepping stone to become Student Body President next year.
Leaning back again in his chair he reached for his cellphone, seeing a text from his boyfriend Alex.
Alex: "Hey cutie, still busy with finals this weekend, but have time for a dinner date Sunday night?"
He smiled to himself, giving an eager text back to set it up, and to wish him well on his upcoming exams. "Ugh, I need to start studying too, Monday's going to be one hell of a final... I'll focus on it and head to the library after this video and-"
Just like that, his train of thought was interrupted again by a stupid ad, this time some obnoxious psychedelic visuals and a bad electric guitar riff blared out of his monitor. It startled him so badly that he seized up for a second, accidentally clicking the ad and being brought to their store page. "Broski's Bud's, one stop ship and shop for weed strains to fix your brain..." He rolled his eyes at the cringe marketing, getting ready to close the tab when a pop-up opened trying to tell him all about a deal he 'wouldn't want to miss out on'. "No thanks, stupid site, you can keep your Bro Buds or whatever to yourself." but every time he hit X on the popup another would open, being more and more insistent each time about new deals, until finally a desperate '90% OFF AND SPECIAL STARTER KIT AS A BONUS WITH YOUR FIRST PURCHASE' filled his screen. "FINE," he scoffed at his computer, "I'll take a look at the stupid site. My therapist suggested I try out weed to help lessen my anxiety anyways, so might as well get a good deal on it..."
Clicking the pop-up added the 'starter kit' to his cart, it was a pack of pre-rolled blunts and some sort of mystery box, but the description didn't help him understand it much either. "Get ready to step into the zone and open ur mind with this one bros, Broski's Buds bestselling strain, Toke 'n Stroke, is sure to change your life by stimulating a high never felt before! This isn't your sissy uncle's strain, this shit puts hair on your chest like a real man!"
"God this is so cringe, I bet they get all kinds of business marketing to the dumb jocks in town, no wonder their brains are mush. Still, it's just weed and for $20 I might as well give it a try, I probably won't find it cheaper anywhere else..." sitting in thought about it for a few seconds, Lucas finally filled in his payment info and placed his order, getting a free upgrade to same-day delivery since they seem to have a storefront a few miles from his apartment.
"Well, there goes my library plans I guess, I'll have to wait around for delivery since my package will probably get swiped otherwise..." Lucas sighed, turning off his computer and plopping down onto the couch, picking up his Switch to play Animal Crossing and kill time.
A few hours passed and the sky got dark before finally a long buzz came from his intercom. "Took them long enough, it's nearly 9pm!" he complained, putting his jacket on to head downstairs. When he got down there the delivery guy had already gotten into his car again, driving away and leaving Lucas to carry the package back upstairs all on his own. It was bigger than he expected, taking both hands to lift it and keep it stable. "Jesus, this thing must weight like 40 pounds! What did they put in here?"
After a bit of struggling and the occasional break to catch his breath, Lucas pushed his package into the living room, collapsing on the floor next to it for a while. "After that workout I'm surprised I don't look like the douchebags around campus." he laughed to himself, bouncing up to get a box cutter and pry his package open. After taking the carton of pre-rolled blunts out, he started into the box with a bit of confusion and disgust, pulling things out one after the other.
"A sleeveless tank top that says 'Toke 'n Stroke Bro'... A pair of douchey sunglasses... Some red gym shorts, socks and slides... Ew, a snapback saying 'Who ate all the pussy?', why the fuck would anyone wear this!... And 2 dumbbells, no wonder this thing was so heavy! All of this is useless shit that's gonna end up in a donation bin now, I'll have to drop this trashy stuff off tomorrow on my way to the library... But hey, at least the weed seems fine, smells... potent." He said, tossing everything back into the box and taking a whiff of one of the blunts.
Kicking back on the couch again, he played with the blunt in his hand for a while before finally having the courage to light it up, taking a hit. Immediately he started coughing, not used to the sensation, but it did make his brain start to feel... fuzzy. "Damn, okay I need to push past it and get used to it." he said, lighting up for another hit of the blunt, this time barely a cough escaping his throat, feeling suspiciously more used to it. Then another, and another, until finally the whole blunt was gone. Sitting in his daze for a while, he enjoyed the sensation of his mind drifting around experiencing the high, his anxiety melting away as if he didn't have a care in the world. Eventually he decided to try and get up, but his body slumped over off the couch and hitting the floor, the room fading to black...
...
When Lucas finally came to again, the first thing that hit him was the strong smell of weed floating around in the air. "Damn bro, did I smoke the whole set or what..." he laughed groggily, getting ready to stretch out and get back to laying on the couch before he was startled by the sound of moaning blasting from his TV, eyes shooting open in confusion. On the screen, two busty lesbians were making out, them taking turns groping each others boobs and fingering each other. "What the fuck bro, how long has this been on?" he cursed, nervous that the neighbors nextdoor might have heard it playing as he started desperately looking for the remote.
When he couldn't find it in the cushions, he got up from the couch only to be met with his feet kicking a bunch of empty beer cans. "Dude, there's gotta be 2 dozen thrown all over the floor, did I have a party or something? I don't even know anyone who drinks beer..." he mumbled, going to scratch his head in confusion, but was even more confused when instead of his hair he felt a hat on top of his head. "Huh?" he thought, as he looked down at the floor again, noticing that instead of his skinny jeans and converse he was now wearing the socks and slides from the box, along with the sleeveless tank top and the shorts too. He stumbled his way to the bathroom door still baked out of his mind, mouth dropping open at his reflection in the full-length mirror in front of him.
"Broooo, am I dreaming or what the fuckkkk is going on" he said in disbelief. No more was the cute, pale twink he used to be staring back at him. Instead, a douchey bro he didn't recognize was standing face to face with him. Tanned skin, pillowy muscles, his once blonde hair turned into a brown buzz cut and with that stupid "Who ate all the pussy?" hat slapped over it. He touched his face, feeling along his chin where his once smooth skin now had a rougher texture, and a trashy chinstrap sprouted from his jawline. He slapped his face a few times in his daze, trying to wake up from the dream and growing more confused each time nothing changed.
Turning around and staggering back to his living room to try and make sense of what's going on, it hit him that he barely recognizes the room anymore. His apartment used to be perfectly maintained and well-decorated, now there was beer cans all over the floor, along with dirty socks and cummed-in underwear, greasy pizza boxes and chip bags all over the table and counter, the decorations on his walls had been torn down and replaced with posters of chicks in bikinis and sports teams, his Switch replaced with an X-Box and a stack of COD games next to it, DVD cases of trashy bro-comedies were thrown around near the TV too... Then the smell hit him, it STUNK in here, like a sickening mixture of weed, cheap body spray, and sour BO wafting in a heat around the room. "Bro, it fucking reeks in here... Or wait..." he mumbled as he gave himself a whiff, "I fucking reek!"
After a bit of stunned silence he finally started to process things in his brain again. How the fuck did he get like this, was any of this even real, and how does he get back to normal? He plopped back onto the couch, picking up his phone to see he had a handful of missed texts and calls from his boyfriend before noticing the time... 2:00pm. On Sunday. He had somehow been blacked out for 2 whole nights, with no memory of anything that had happened. While getting ready to call his boyfriend back, Lucas felt his insides rumbling and at first he thought it was from the munchies because of all the weed, but then he realized "Oh bro, all that double-cheese pizza is really gonna fucking..."
*PHRRRBBBTTT!*
His body instinctively lifted its leg as it pushed out the loudest and most obnoxious fart he'd ever ripped in his life, as his body seemed to react on its own, letting out an immature laugh and wafting the air before muttering "Fuck yeah bro, smells like victory!" He leaned back into the couch, remembering he needed to call Alex, but the loud moaning on the TV caught him off guard again. This time he locked eyes with the screen, the cock in his shorts immediately bulging and straining at the sight of the lesbian porn before him. "I really need to turn this shit off and get whatever's going on sorted out..." he thought, but he realized he couldn't move his hand to reach for his phone, instead it reacted on its own, reaching down his waistband to pull out his cock and start stroking for the busty babes on TV.
"All I do is Toke 'n Stroke, bro..." a voice in his head seemed to say, except it didn't come from within, he spoke it directly out of his own mouth.
"Wait, I didn't say that bro, it's-" he tried to talk, realizing that his thoughts echoed around stuck in his own head, not even leaving the lips of his own body. He was just stuck there, watching in a dazed horror as he went on autopilot.
"Toke 'n Stroke bro, I'm such a loyal customer Broski's Buds will HAVE to take me as a hype boy this time haha!" his voice spoke again, continuing to stroke for the porn on TV, Lucas's eyes stuck fixed on the screen. Suddenly though, he was interrupted by his phone vibrating, a text from his boyfriend coming through.
Alex: "Hey cutie, I hope everything is alright? You haven't answered my calls or texts in a couple days, I know it's busy with all your studying but we do still have dinner planned for tonight. Still on for me to pick you up at 5?"
"Oh thank God," Lucas thought, reading the message, "I can tell him what's going on and have him come over to help me fix this shit!" Unlocking his phone, Lucas let out a sigh of relief as he got ready to reply, only for his body to still be taken over by whatever douchey daze it was stuck in.
Lucas: "dont u ever come around me u faggy creep, if me or my bros ever catch u within 100 feet of us we'll give u the beating of a lifetime! fuck around n find out if u dare to show ur face here."
Lucas screamed internally as the message was typed out and sent in front of his very eyes, before his hand moved to block his boyfriend's number and turn his phone off. "Something is seriously fucking wrong with me bro, I need to-"
*PHHRRRRBBBTTTTTT*
Another obnoxious and sickening fart blasted out of his ass, filling the room and breaking Lucas's thoughts down into a daze again, as he felt around under the couch for something before pulling a sweaty, well-used fuck toy of a girls ass and pussy up from the mess.
As Lucas once again locked eyes with the TV, he took another hit from his dwindling blunt stash, finishing up the last one. After throwing what was left onto the floor, he prepared the fuck toy and slid it right down onto his cock, starting to bounce the toy up and down as he edged himself closer to finishing.
"If I can't figure out a way to snap out of this, I'm so fucked..." he thought, as his voice spoke again. "Toke 'n Stroke bro, this chick is soooo getting fucked!" He moaned, as he shot his thick load into the toy, feeling some of his braincells permanently shoot out with it, sloppily wiping the mess on the cushion next to him as he laid back, feeling his insides start to bubble again.
Lucas had a lot of Bro Time to catch up on, but luckily his new favorite weed strain was making sure that he was a captive audience until he was fully converted and assimilated into just another Bro.
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mysteryshoptls · 1 month ago
Text
SSR Jack Howl - Room Relaxation Vignette
"Happy Birthday"
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[Sports Field]
[tup, tup, tup]
Jack: Pant, pant
 I could really feel the burn on those last 20 meters.
Jack: What's my time
? Oh, not bad. I'll have to remember this feeling for next time. Alright, guess it's time to stretch and head back to the dorm.
Riddle: Are you doing solo practice after your club activities once again? You sure are diligent, Jack.
Jack: Oh, Riddle-senpai. When you say "again" like that
 did you already know that I always stay behind longer?
Riddle: Well, when the Equestrian Club ends our activities for the day and leave the stable for our respective dormitories, we do pass by the field.
Riddle: I've spotted you running by yourself many times before. Are you training for a meet of some kind?
Jack: Ah, actually, recently my times have been fairly stagnant, so I've been trying to adjust my running form.
Jack: Nothing I was doing was really working
 But I think I've really started to figure out what I need.
Jack: For now, I plan on heading back to my dorm and, starting tomorrow, I'll focus on working on my newest running posture.
Riddle: A good decision. It would not do for you to injure yourself by overworking.
Riddle: Besides, a student's priority should be their studies. Passion is well and good, however you would do well to not neglect your studies.
Jack: No need to tell me twice. I don't plan on neglecting my practice nor my studies whatsoever.
Jack: I made it here to Night Raven College, after all. I'll put forth even more effort so I can achieve even more.
Jack: Even if it's the day before my birthday, I'll have to continue doing my best
 No, I'll have to do even better than my best.
Riddle: Oh, is your birthday tomorrow?
Riddle: Then I'm sure there's much for you to prepare. It would be rude of me to continue to keep you, so I'll leave you now.
[Riddle walks off]
Jack: Eh
? Oh, sure. Thank you, Riddle-senpai.
Jack: 
Did I just say out loud that it's my birthday tomorrow? I hope he doesn't think I'm excited about it, or anything

Jack: Ughhhh. Nah, it's no good worrying about something that's already done! Time to stretch!
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[Savanaclaw Dorm – Jack's Room]
Jack: Whew
 I feel much better after a shower. Guess it's time to finally get to my homework.
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[Savanaclaw Dorm – Jack's Room]
Jack: Guess that's enough of reviewing today's lessons. I gotta put my homework in my bag before I forget, too

[Roommate A speaks up]
Jack: 
 Huh? You wanna copy my homework before I put it away? I didn't work on it to help you guys out, why would I show it to you, anyway?
[Roommate B talks back]
Jack: You don't know the answers? Well, that's your fault for not listening during class. Don't come begging me for scraps.
Jack: Ugh, look at 'em, all grumbling over something stupid. Anyway
 I guess I just have "that" left to deal with before going to bed.
「Survey on Quality of Life Improvements for the Student Body」
Jack: So they're looking for campus life improvements, huh. Well, there's the fact that some can be irritating just because they're a year or two older

Jack: But it's not like the academy can really do anything to help improve personal problems. So, I guess

Jack: I know I'd like it if they could do something about the rule that freshmen must live 4 to a room.
Jack: It's stressful enough having to share a small room with someone else, let alone 3 other people.
Jack: I can't wait for next year. Sophomores live 2 to a room, so it should be way better than right now.
Jack: There'll be more space in the room then
 And I'll be able to find more sunlight for my cacti as well.
Jack: Even though I was able to beat the others to the spot that would provide the most light back when I first got here

Jack: It's still not enough. Compared to the rooms reserved for the upperclassmen, it's still not as bright here, so I have to take extra care of the little guys.
Jack: Cacti are just like humans in that they don't do well if they don't get enough sunlight.
Jack: 
That reminds me of back home for some reason. When winter comes, I always see people here and there sunbathing.
Jack: As a kid, I thought they were just lazy, and couldn't figure out why they'd want to just lounge out under the sun

Jack: When I learned that there were health-related reasons behind it, I was both surprised and impressed.
Jack: It's not like I've been lacking any chances to be out under the sun ever since I've come to Sage's Island

Jack: But if I could have a room big enough to roll out a rug, it might not be so bad to lay out and sunbathe on it a bit.
Jack: Alright
 I've finished filling out the survey, so I guess it's time to sleep.
[roommates chattering]
Jack: Hey! You guys are being way too loud. How long're you gonna be at it?
Jack: You all better go to sleep right at lights out tonight
 10PM is bedtime! Don't keep me awake!
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Jack: 
Yeah, like those guys'll listen to what I say.
Jack: I should go back to the survey and ask for a canopy bed
 Or maybe a partition.
Jack: Sleep is important for me to build my muscles
 So I can't have them keeping me up
 Yaaawn

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[Savanaclaw Dorm – Jack's Room]
[alarm blaring]
Jack: 
Mm, is it morning already? Welp, then. First things first after waking up

Jack: There's no question about it. TIME TO REPLENISH QUICKLY WITH SOME PROTEIN!!
Jack: I need to gain back all the nutrients I lost while sleeping. I'll swing by the kitchen for a protein drink and then head towards the washroom.
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[Savanaclaw Dorm – Washroom]
[splash, splash]
Jack: Whew
 No one's awake at this time, so it's nice and quiet here.
Jack: 
Man, no matter how I look at it, my hair is tousled into a real mess. This happens every morning, sure, but

Jack: Since I have thicker hair, it's so hard to tame the bedhead. Ah, tsk, there's even some pillow marks on my ears.
Jack: Well, I guess I'll just start with wetting the roots of my hair and then use the dryer while pulling the strands back

[blow-dries hair]
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Jack: Once the unruly strands are tamed, I'll comb it
 Good, it's more or less better now. If I don't do this first, it ends up taking longer in the end.
Jack: I've tried a bunch of different hair products, but I ended up liking this wax the best.
Jack: Hair gel might be better to keep the shape, but it gets too stiff and takes too long to wash out.
Jack: Only using wax means that my hairstyle starts to lose its hold around evening time, but all I need to do for that is to just fix it up in the afternoon.
Jack: Nice, that looks good. All that's left is to spray it a bit

[sprays hair]
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Jack: Normally I won't use it 'cause I don't like it to get on my ears, but I want to make sure I look spot on today of all days.
Jack: As for makeup
 Nah, I'll go without, like usual. I'd like to look good, but I don't want to get all dolled up or anything.
Jack: I'll just use my normal sunscreen. Can't say I really like how it feels on my skin, though

Jack: But I remember the first time I ever went skiing by myself and the pain I went through when I forgot to apply sunscreen.
Jack: The way I got burned by the sun reflecting on the snow and I had to live with the embarrassment of the goggles leaving that imprint on my face
 Augh, I don't even want to think about it again.
Jack: But thanks to that, I finally understand why my parents wouldn't shut up about not forgetting to put on sunscreen.
Jack: Looks like there's a bunch I'm able to understand more as I grow up, like that whole sunbathing thing. Guess that's another reason why it's fun to grow older.
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[Savanaclaw Dorm – Jack's Room]
Jack: Alright. Now that I look presentable, I think I'll stretch out my muscles to prep for morning practice.
Jack: Phew
 This old chair they supplied the room with really comes in handy for stretching.
Jack: Right after we got grouped together, none of us wanted it so we kept trying to shove it onto each other, but that was just a pain to deal with, so I kept it

Jack: It's hard, sturdy, and it doesn't wobble so easily. Plus, the size is just perfect for someone of my height.
Jack: Next, I'll step onto the seat and
 I guess I'll look over my class notes while I stretch, as usual.
Jack: I think we were on this page of the textbook for Magical History

Jack: "The following year, the ancient incantations that were inscribed on the cave walls were successfully deciphered. The gathered mages then attempted to speak the ancient incantations
"
[Roommate B complains]
Jack: 
Huh, what, I'm too loud? My voice woke you up? Well, good timing, the sun's almost up. Get up, already!
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[Main Street]
Jack: Urk, is that who I think it is over there
? 
Good morning, Riddle-senpai.
Riddle: Good morning, Jack. Have you finished with morning practice already?
Riddle: Happy Birthday. That's all I came here to say.
Jack: 
Of course it was about that. Sorry to be a bother about it. I didn't mean to let it slip yesterday

Riddle: Heh, you're no bother. We may be of different dormitories, however it is the duty of us upperclassmen to support our underclassmen.
Riddle: You should continue to do your utmost. 
Of course, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that.
Jack: Yes, sir! I'll keep on improving!
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Requested by @farfalla049.
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mochinomnoms · 1 month ago
Note
What do you think PTM!jade would be like on Valentine’s Day? how would he react if he received chocolates or sweets or whatever from yuu? I bet his thoughts either go 20 different directions or stay completely silent but it’d be funny either way.
I think he's this panel from Mousou Telepathy, just replace birthday with Valentine's lol
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I really like how the manga uses different colors to display Toda's thoughts against the black and white of the manga. It's a bit hard to do the same in the fic, but I make it work!
I like to think that in PTM, when they get to a point where Yuu is also pining for Jade but doesn't know how or if to cross the line themselves, tries to get Jade to make the first move. Using their telepathy, they can hopefully gauge Jade's thoughts and subtly push him into inviting them out for Valentine's.
"So
any plans for this week? You know, Valentine's and all?"
Jade's thoughts immediately fly into daydreams of you and him in bed, rose petals flying all around as the bedsheets and pillows get tossed aside.
"Not particularly, Azul will be hosting a Valentine's Day deal for the lounge, a free dessert for any couple who spends more than 100 thauramarks during their stay."
"Oh, that's a bit much, isn't it?"
"I think you forget the class status typical of the students here."
"Right..." You frowned and, focused at the potion in front of you two, watching the pink liquid bubble.
You wouldn't need to worry your lovely little head over that though, I could pay for 10 of those dinner and even more if you'd ask.
You tried your best to bite the embarrassed smile wanting to grow on your lips as you continued prodding.
"So, you'll be working then? That kinda sucks, guess you didn't have someone you wanted to spend the day with?"
Bait set! Now take it!
"I never said either of those things. Oya~" Jade somehow found his way to your left without you noticing, making you jump as he leaned in to coo in your ear.
"Is there a reason you're so curious about my Valentine's Day plans? You could just ask~"
Do you want me for the day? You can have me any time you'd like! You just have to ask~ Please ask! I might just scare you off if I do it myself~
Somehow you'd doubt after seeing and hearing his thoughts for several months he'd scare you off now.
"Ah, um, I wasn't—I mean kinda—I just wanted—ugh."
You huffed, roughly setting aside your spoon against the desk, eyeing the cauldron to make sure it didn't bubble over.
"Fine, I'll ask!"
Jade blinked in surprise, leaning back as you jabbed a finger at his chest. Though, based on his pink cheeks, he wasn't displeased by your sudden aggression at all.
"Yes, I am curious for a reason! I was trying to be discreet about it, but I'll just ask outright—Jade Leech, let me celebrate Valentine's with you!"
It was abnormally silent without hearing Jade's thoughts, though you think he was trying to process what you said. Make sure it wasn't a fantasy leaking into reality.
........oh. Oh!
Jade grew a big, almost unsettling smile, sharp teeth on display, like he was ready to tear into you. Just not in the way an average predator would. 
Probably.
Are you going to give me a Valentine? Can you be my little Valentine's treat? I think you'd taste just as sweet~
"I see, well. Since you asked so nicely, I suppose I'll have to accept your invitation."
What happens comes Valentine's Day? Is it soft and sweet? Or perhaps something much more hot and tantalizing~ I'll leave that for you to decide~
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violetrainbow412-blog · 20 days ago
Text
Day 30: forever?
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Masterlist flufftober 🎃
TW: Mentions of schizophrenia. This would also qualify as hurt/comfort or flangst, but I wanted to write it anyway.
Spencer stared at the ceiling of his room in silence, lost in thoughts that seemed to tangle without remedy. He had been feeling this pressure in his chest for weeks, a fear he couldn't shake off, as if a shadow was relentlessly pursuing him. He knew it wasn't just stress, although that would have been the simplest explanation. This was something much deeper, darker.
His mind, always his greatest strength, now seemed like a source of fear, an invisible enemy haunting him with doubts and insecurities. The possibility of beginning to show signs of schizophrenia, like his mother, terrified him.
He picked up his phone, hesitating over whether he should call someone; whether he should call you. Your number had been there, patient, waiting for him to reach out, to ask for medical advice, a consultation
 maybe even just to hear your voice.
He was so scared that he felt his hand trembling as he pressed the call button.
“Spencer?” you asked as soon as you answered. The warmth of your voice on the other end calmed him a bit.
“Hi, how are you?”
“Good, darling. A bit busy because I'm covering a shift in the ER and
 ugh, everything is hectic.”
“Oh, then I'll let you go. I can call you later.”
“NO! It’s fine, it’s fine. My relief will be here in ten minutes; I can afford a moment of peace before that,” you murmured, sounding a bit tired. You fell silent for a moment. He said nothing. “Are you okay?”
He swallowed hard, noticing how the tension in his throat made it difficult to speak.
“I know you’re busy and I
” his breathing started to become erratic, despite his wishes. “I’m so sorry, but could you come? I just
 I could really use someone to talk to.”
Hearing the tone of his voice, you agreed without hesitation, and an hour later, you were sitting on his couch, surrounded by the silence of his apartment. When you arrived, he didn’t say anything; just seeing his face and how he rubbed his eyes made you realize he was distressed.
Spencer didn’t even know how to begin. How could he explain the terror the idea of losing his mind caused him, of slowly crumbling without being able to do anything?
You didn’t pressure him. You just waited, giving him the time he needed, despite how exhausted you were from being awake for 20 hours. Finally, he took a deep breath and started to speak quietly:
“I’ve been
 feeling strange. I’ve had horrible migraines and I thought that was nothing to worry about, but
 lately I’ve been hearing things. Voices, whispers. And I see shadows where there shouldn’t be anything.”
His confession filled the room, dense as fog, and for a moment, he feared that you might feel uncomfortable, scared, as if sharing his fear made it more real. You had patients all the time, perhaps in worse conditions than he was, but all those ailments were physical; blood, fluids, skin
 you didn’t deal with mental illnesses. Would you be afraid of him?
However, when he looked up, he noticed that you were simply looking at him with concern and tenderness. Despite the dark circles under your eyes, you regarded him with such kindness that he felt unworthy of it.
“How long have you been feeling this way?” you asked softly.
“For a few days
 maybe a week,” Spencer sighed, feeling more vulnerable than ever. “My mother
 you know what she
” he paused, unable to continue. He didn’t want to say it out loud, didn’t want to invoke the fear that gnawed at him inside. The possibility of also losing himself, like her, was an idea that paralyzed him.
You didn’t respond right away. Instead, you reached out and intertwined your fingers with his. The warmth of your skin anchored him, a reminder that he wasn’t alone, that there was still something real and solid in his life. He remembered the last time he had felt that certainty, many years ago, when they were just kids.
The memory took him back to that day in the park. You were just two children sitting on a bench, the sky clear and the sun shining down on you. Spencer had been strangely quiet, lost in thoughts that seemed too big for his age. His mother had just gone through a very strong episode, and although he didn’t fully understand what it meant, he could feel the fear in his chest, a fear that seemed to settle in his bones. You had noticed his worry, and he, not knowing how to express it, ended up confessing his fears and doubts to you.
“What if something bad happens to my mom?” he had said softly, his gaze fixed on the ground. You had looked at him with that seriousness that only children can have, and without saying anything, you extended your pinky toward him.
“I’ll always take care of you, Spencer,” you told him as if making a sacred promise. He had entwined his pinky with yours, seeking that security that only you could give him.
“Forever?” he asked, unsure if you could keep such a big promise.
You nodded without hesitation.
“Forever.”
Returning to that memory brought him a little peace, a reminder that someone was willing to hold him, to be his refuge. Now, years later, you were by his side once more, fulfilling that promise you seemed to have made a lifetime ago.
Suddenly, he found himself in the present, gently squeezing your hand. The tears had already begun to slide down his cheeks, and he felt so lost
 so vulnerable.
Of course, you weren’t going to demand medical details from him at that moment; you were exhausted from attending to patients and knew that what he needed now wasn’t an evaluation, but simply the company of a friend.
“I don’t want to end up like her,” he whispered, not looking at you, his voice broken.
“Spencer,” you replied firmly, taking his chin between your fingers and looking him directly in the eyes, “You don’t have to face this alone. I’ll help you with whatever you need.”
The certainty in your voice was so solid that he felt a part of his anxiety begin to dissolve. But still, the insecurity persisted, a shadow he couldn’t ignore.
He hesitated for a moment before whispering, barely audible:
“Forever?”
You didn’t remember that childhood promise made so many years ago, but at his question, you looked at him with a soft smile and squeezed his hand again.
“Forever,” you affirmed, without wavering.
Spencer felt his shoulders relax at hearing you. That simple word, laden with an unbreakable promise and loyalty, was all he needed at that moment. There were no medical exams, studies, or therapies that could compare to the peace he felt hearing you reaffirm that you would never leave him. Since childhood, he had treasured in his memory the recollection of your pinky intertwined with his when his whole world seemed about to fall apart; now he felt the same, and you were still there.
He allowed himself to release a trembling sigh, and without saying another word, you wrapped your arms around him, drawing him into a warm, firm embrace.
Spencer felt himself crumble at the contact, finally letting go of all those repressed emotions. He held onto you with a mix of desperation and relief, hiding his face in your neck, seeking in your closeness the comfort he had longed for in silence.
The tears flowed freely now, and he stopped fighting against them. It was strange; he used to be the most reserved person, the most contained, but with you, he allowed himself to be vulnerable, human. He knew you could bear his pain without judging him, without being scared. He entrusted you with his deepest fear, and you didn’t leave him alone in the middle of the storm.
You both stayed like that, embraced in silence for long minutes. He felt the weight of his anxiety and fear of illness beginning to give way little by little. The sensation of being held, of being accepted with all his flaws and fears, made him feel less fragmented, less scared.
Eventually, exhaustion began to take its toll on you. After so many hours of work and the emotional effort of comforting Spencer, your body gave in, and you let yourself fall gently against him. Unbeknownst to you, you started to drift off to sleep, and he noticed as your breathing slowed and your weight relaxed in his arms.
Realizing you had succumbed to fatigue, he smiled, touched and grateful to have you by his side. The anguish he had felt all night faded a bit more as he settled in, carefully holding you, protecting you just as you had done with him moments before.
And so, with you asleep in his arms, he felt the darkness that had been looming over him retreat a little; just a little. In that moment, everything seemed more hopeful, less fearsome. He closed his eyes, and for the first time in weeks, felt that maybe he could face his fears. Because, after all, he had someone who would fulfill that promise of being with him forever.
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